We’re encouraged to be grateful for what we have, and that’s very good and useful advice. But there’s also a place for 'divine discontent’: often our dissatisfaction with aspects of our lives gives us the ‘kick’ we need to create necessary changes.
That dissatisfaction can be particularly confusing when there are enough elements in our current situations that we genuinely value. Should we risk losing the valuable aspects in order to take a risk and reach out for something that might be better?
Last December my partner Derek and I celebrated our 29th anniversary. We met and fell in love when I was 24 and he was 36, and have had a rich and wonderful journey since then. We’ve parented three magnificent children together. And we’ve struggled with a number of challenges that mostly had to do with wanting different things. We each made various compromises in order to keep our family together, and because there was so much that we did value in common, so much love, so much friendship, so much respect and appreciation. But running through it was a seam of discontent… that little yearning for 'more and different'.
Some years ago, when I was particularly struggling with this, I read a book called Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum. I answered her 36 self-analysis questions and was still unsure what to do, still balanced between the two options, so I stayed put…
Until last spring when I wrote the novel (see previous blogs) that was the precursor to massive change in my life; to a new man coming in whose interests and dreams are so aligned with mine that I made the shocking decision to farewell my life partner of 29 years in order to be with him.
‘More’, ‘different’ and ‘better’ are loaded terms. Universal laws tell us that we will never have ‘better’ because of the Laws of Conservation and Polarity, which deliver a balanced experience. Every experience has a positive and a negative aspect, so I’d be fooling myself if I thought I was walking into a situation that would just be ‘better’. I know that this new relationship will throw up a new set of challenges – in fact, it already has – but I also know that I was hungry for a new set of challenges, and that they would be balanced by the delight I am already experiencing from the areas of alignment.
Do you relate to this? Are there areas in your life, whether at work or at home, where you feel frustrated and dissatisfied? Sometimes finding the blessings in our current circumstances is all it takes to transform those feelings, and sometimes they are there as ‘divine messengers’ to stimulate us into taking action and creating something new.
My decision to embrace a new relationship has resulted in my ex-partner and son deciding to embrace one of their long-time dreams and move north. My daughters are both grappling with this ‘divine discontent' too; they are restless and longing to act on dreams or frustrations too. Actually, anyone who sets a goal is expressing an element of discontent; the desire to have new experiences or new possessions is a divine impulse because if we didn’t feel that stirring of frustration and desire, we would never tackle new things and never grow.
My new novel, which will be launched in August this year, is all about a couple who respond to those stirrings. This book has become interwoven with my life in quite an extraordinary way. I’ll be revealing more in the next few blogs and at the launch. (Yes, you're invited!)
Meanwhile, here’s another question for you: Do you know anyone who is struggling with bullying, either because they are prone to trampling over others or because they are inclined to be a doormat? There’s still time to register for the No More Harm Conference
in Brisbane on Monday and Tuesday 26-27th June. I’ll be there speaking about universal laws and the bullying dynamic – and if you don’t make it, listen out for the ABC Radio Interview I’ll be doing at 1.30 pm on Monday. Pain and guilt or shame can also be 'divine messengers' that provoke us into making necessary changes in our lives.